Underworld: Blood Wars

WARNING: This review is hidden because it reveals the content of the film.
Click here to show this review. It’s finally here. “Underworld: Blood Wars”; the final chapter! Watching these films has been an illuminating experience. I've learned something about my tastes, past & present. Did I expect this film to be good? Not really, but at least I figured it might cap things off nicely. I was hoping for too much.

The vampires and Lycans are looking for Selene (Kate Beckinsale) The blood suckers want her to account for her crimes against the vampire elders, the werewolves want her to divulge the location of her daughter. When the Lycan threat forces the vampires to trust Selene again, she and David (Theo James) uncover a conspiracy at the heart of their community.

“Blood Wars” is a hybrid itself, a weird combination of “The Two Towers”, “Dragon Ball Z” and a soap opera, but with vampires and werewolves as the main characters. The film gives Selene new superpowers (again), the Lycans find a new way to (theoretically) pose a threat, we get scenes where the villainous Semira (Lara Pulver) admires herself as she plots to obtain a seat on the vampire council. We learn of a forgotten coven high up North where all the vampires have crazy powers; it all feels very silly. This film wants to be so awesome so desperately it’s a little embarrassing. It goes back to its roots, but in all the wrong ways. The fact that humans know vampires and werewolves exist, for instance, is completely forgotten!

Despite everything I’ve gone through, I’ve got some affection for the series. In every film, I’ve found nuggets that show what it could’ve been. This picture explores the societal differences between vampires and Lycans very well for instance. The vampires are so snooty and aristocratic that they’re unable to evolve (which explains why they always wear black leather and use swords) You get a sense that they would’ve won the war a long time ago if they weren’t so busy scheming against each other. The film makes great use of the idea that when vampires exchange blood, they exchange memories. I’m so frustrated at the fact that there’s something good that COULD be done with this world, but isn’t.

Often, “Blood Wars” feels like it’s making it up as it goes along. Then it all comes to a big letdown, an ending that’s so quick and sloppy it takes you aback. It delivers the “War” and the “Blood” but this series is hemorrhaging actors and plots so quickly (neither Scott Speedman nor India Eisley returns) that it can never truly be conclusive or satisfying. Even the 3D is only ok. I’m a little heartbroken. I wanted the “Underworld” series to be good so badly. I liked them when they were first released, I think Kate Beckinsale is a great actress (check her out in “Love & Friendship”) and I wanted closure. I didn’t get it. (3D theatrical version on the big screen, January 11, 2017)