Resident Evil: Extinction

WARNING: This review is hidden because it reveals the content of the film.
Click here to show this review. I hope the follow up to “Resident Evil: Extinction” isn’t as skull-bashingly awful as this one. Otherwise, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to the end of the franchise. This is one of the dullest, most nonsensical, unoriginal action horror movies I’ve ever seen. It’s a perfect example of how a franchise can write itself into a corner from which there is no escape (well, except through plot holes and inconsistent characters) and why it’s so important to have a plan when creating a franchise.

If you’re coming in late, you need to know that the evil Umbrella Corporation developed a formula that accidentally created a plague of zombies some years ago. This entry begins with Alice (Milla Jovovich) informing us that the T-virus has now affected planet Earth (how that makes sense I don’t know.) All of the oceans have begun drying up, leaving the surviving humans to fend for themselves "Road Warrior"-style. As Umbrella attempts to capture Alice and create a cure, she searches for allies and a way to control her new-found telekinetic powers.

Part “Mad Max”, part “The Birds”, part “Dawn of the Dead”, part nonsense. That’s what “Resident Evil: Extinction” is. I should have known ahead of time how bad it was going by the idiotic title. If the second one was called “Apocalypse” then surely it shouldn’t be followed up with something as mundane as an extinction. Who cares if one species is whipped out after the end of days? That’s a trivial personal gripe compared to the multitude of problems present. It’s hard to convey exactly why, but I found this film to be astoundingly boring.

It’s the end of the world. People are scavenging to survive and what is left of our cities are being buried by desert sands. Nevertheless, Umbrella is still being the same Machiavellian mad scientists that they’ve been since the beginning, coming up with insane plans using satellites, clones, amplified zombies and mutants to acquire more power and take over the world. There’s no world left to take over! Can't we get interesting villains, or at least likable heroes?

What passes for “heroic” characters in "Extinction" is a rag-tag group of dollar store morons you won't care about. How many times have you seen this one guy; the one who gets bitten, has witnessed thousands of people turn into zombies and still goes about his day as if nothing had happened, not telling anyone that it’s only a matter of time before he turns and starts chowing down on his friends? The rest are there solely to be killed or lead Alice to the next action scene while the audience yawns.

I’m not saying that I’m a professional screenwriter who could do any better, but the writing in this film leaks foul-smelling juices all over your carpet. "Apocalypse" gave Alice psychic powers. That’s exciting. We’ve never seen a movie where a superhero had to go against a bunch of zombies. What interesting directions are they going to go now that they have this element? The answer is none. Alice's telekinesis is only present in this movie for 3 scenes. Not because our heroine is having trouble controlling them or is afraid that it’s going to melt her brain, no. It’s just blatant inconsistencies and the writer having no idea what to do with this franchise. Instead, we get more of the same stuff that’s been in the first two films, with even less of the original-looking mutants in part 1 and 2.

“Resident Evil: Extinction” squanders every opportunity to be interesting. I'll give it credit that the zombie makeup is pretty good and that although I absolutely hated it I was never offended, but that's faint praise. I didn’t want to leave angry. I wanted to have fun with it, or at least at its expense. It’s horrible, and I doubt some of the more outlandish elements introduced towards the end are going to pay off in the further chapters, so why bother? (On DVD, March 20, 2015)