Marmaduke

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Click here to show this review. "Marmaduke" is a bland family comedy that had very little effort put into it. The plot for this movie is one of the least original you'll have ever seen.

It's a typical fish-out-of-water high-school story, but with the people replaced with talking dogs. Marmaduke (voiced by Owen Wilson) and his family move to a new place in Orange County, California. There, Marmaduke falls for the prettiest Rough Collie around (Jezebel, voiced by Fergie) Unfortunately for Marmaduke, she’s already got a boyfriend, Bosco (voiced by Keifer Sutherland) Will Marmaduke find a way to win her over, or is the god of his dreams actually right under his nose in the form of Mazie (voiced by Emma Stone)

The movie starts off kind of funny, with the kind of jokes you expect when your main character is a dog so big your kids could ride him to school. Those are fine (though somewhat un-inspired) but then the movie screeches to a halt the second Marmaduke arrives at the new dog park in California and meets the typical teenagers… I mean dogs you’ve seen in every high school romance. The movie really stretches it by creating a bunch of dog cliques and pinning our protagonist as an outsider "nerdy" dog. From there you can see pretty much the whole plot coming. He'll fall in love with the most popular girl in school, but she'll have a boyfriend (who is also the school bully) and to win her heart, Marmaduke will need to get help from his friends. By becoming more popular though, he'll loose sight his roots and become a big ol' jerk himself, until he realizes that the “girl” of his dreams will be the one that accepts him for who he is. The only thing this movie doesn’t do is put Mazie's hair in a ponytail and have her take off her glasses to reveal how hot she is at one point.

There’s a thick miasma of desperation present. There are extended scenes of dogs surfing, partying it up and dancing to musical cues. Sure those scenes will entertain little kids but let's face it, ANYTHING will entertain undiscriminating children as long as there's something mildly interesting moving on the screen. There's some humour that can only have been inserted for the adults but those aren't funny either (you can only assume that a dog yelling "I'm a golden dog!" before jumping off the roof of a house and into a pool is meant for adults because no kids will have seen "Almost Famous" but that just really isn't that funny) The movie's got some sappy moments towards the end about listening to your kids and not losing track of what's important but that’s another cheap attempt to squeeze some emotion out of an audience that previously could not have cared less about these canines.

If I’ve barely mentioned the humans, it’s because all they have going is another dull generic story you’d expect to see out of a 90’s live-action Disney movie. The whole family crisis is based on the fact that the family moved from their home into a new one in California. It's not that they dislike their new house, it's that they dislike the fact that the dad's new job to afford the huge, expensive house has been making him too busy to spend every moment with them. Maybe he wouldn’t have to work so hard if he didn’t have to feed a carnivorous horse named Marmaduke every day, you little ingrates!

Sure you children will be entertained by "Marmaduke" but if you're that desperate to entertain them, just throw in that favourite movie of theirs that they've seen 50 times already and be done with it. Odds are it’s a lot more intelligent and creatively put together than this dull would-be family film. There isn't anything here that is enriching or stimulating for children and adults will be utterly bored by the predictable plot. (On Dvd, March 15, 2013)