Fifty Shades of Black

I gave “Fifty Shades of Black” every chance I could. I watched it shortly after “Fifty Shades of Grey” so I got all of the “jokes”. I didn’t even pay for the Netflix account I used to watch it since I viewed it while housesitting for a friend. I don’t know anyone aside from professional critics who have seen it. This must be because the people who sat through it slit their throats out of shame. I haven’t seen a film this unfunny or racist since “Soul Plane”.
In this parody of “Fifty Shades of Grey”, billionaire drug dealer Christian Black (Marlon Wayans) introduces shy, homely colleges Hannah Steale (Kali Hawk) to the world of BDSM.
There were times where I did pinch my lips in what could be described as vaguely resembling a smile, but any joy it could’ve brought –even ironically – was canceled out a by the landslide of unfunny and creatively bankrupt attempts at humor. Take off all your clothes, do a head stand and get a cement mixer to dump its load into your rectum. Now you know what it feels like to sit through "FSoB".
You can write a better spoof of “Fifty Shades of Grey” on the fly with your friends. You’ll have a much better time. At the very least you won’t be nearly as offended. Marlon Wayans (who co-wrote the script and produces) proudly parades one offensive stereotype about blacks after another. It tops 2006’s “Little Man” (also featuring Marlon Wayans) by having not one, but two scenes where a character gets raped for comedic effect and then makes “sly” remark about Bill Cosby and “Black Lives Matter”. I want anyone who laughs at that stuffed into a rocket and launched into the sun.
Overinflated testicles, uncomfortable body hair, people falling down, people being overweight, fried chicken & Kool-Aid, getting hit in the face by doors, venereal diseases, weird-looking belly buttons. That is what you can expect if you foolishly choose to wander in the barren land that is “Fifty Shades of Black”. Honestly, I’m furious; At director Michael Tiddes, at Mr. Wayans, at God himself for letting this film happen (he’s credited under the “Special Thanks” section of the credits) and most of all, at myself. Why did I see this? Sure I review movies for fun, but nobody paid or requested that I subject myself to this. All I did was waste my time, and for what? To tell you the movie sucks? Of COURSE it does! It’s a parody of a film that’s so bad it’s laughable. This spoof is not; it’s infuriating and depressing. You’d rather sit on an egg beater on MAX than through “Fifty Shades of Black”. I didn't see this film before writing my "Worst of 2016" list. Had I, it would've taken the #1 spot. (On Netflix, February 20, 2017)