Collateral Beauty

I should’ve known better. Despite my better judgment, I let my nephew convince me that “Collateral Beauty” wouldn’t be overly sentimental, schmaltzy Oscar-bait, but it is. This drama tries so hard to wring tears out of its audience that it winds up strangling you.

After the loss of his young daughter, Howard Inlet (Will Smith) seems to have lost his mind. He’s become a shadow of his former self and begins writing letters to Time, Death, and Love in frustration. His concerned co-workers (Edward Norton, Michael Peña, and Kate Winslet) hire actors to portray the constants and rescue their friend.

Every time I wanted to give this picture a break, it did something to shoo away my goodwill. I was relieved that Howard was not going to actually talk to Time, Love and Death. That would be absolutely ludicrous… I mean why would these three “characters” single out this one guy when they ignore everyone else in the world? What we get instead isn’t much better. Whit (Norton), Simon (Peña) and Claire (Winslet) need to (for reasons I don’t even want to get into) trick their friend into thinking that he is actually speaking to Death, Time, and Love. They plan on filming him overreacting and digitally removing the actors from the film, presenting it as evidence that he’s out of his mind. Sounds like the concept for a wild thriller, or a comedy. Certainly not a drama.

The picture plays out like a weird cross between “A Christmas Carol” and a drama about a man stuck in a deep depression because of a personal loss. How ironic that it's playing in theaters at the same time as “Manchester by the Sea”, a much better film about this subject. I will give “Collateral Beauty” that the performances are good. Will Smith mopes, he screams, he sheds genuine tears. Every actor is fully committed to the role. Unfortunately, they’re under the dominion of an extremely predictable story. The only time you won’t be able to foresee what happens next is when the picture takes a turn so ill-conceived that no one in their right mind would’ve given it the thumbs-up.

A recurring image in “Collateral Beauty” is an elaborate domino setup. It's a perfect analogy for this film. A bunch of carefully positioned characters, plot points, would-be sentiments, and ideas destined to fall in a certain manner and deliver a big finish. It’s so artificial that within a few minutes of the film’s running time I could feel my heart developing a thicker skin and antibodies to combat the sickening sweetness being blasted my way. The dead daughter, the Christmas Season, the support group for grieving parents, the high-calibre actors, the metaphysical story that has parallels among numerous characters, the philosophical talks about Love, Death and Time… it’s too much! The film means well but all you want to do is roll your eyes at it.

Please don’t see this movie. “Collateral Beauty” is a tasty-looking worm on the end of a fishhook. It’s trying really hard to lure you into the theater. Way too hard if you ask me. I suspect “Collateral Beauty” (a title I’m not even sure I understand despite the film explaining it) will get a reaction out of some audiences, and that’s laughter from people who want a drama that’s so bad it becomes hilarious. (Theatrical version on the big screen, December 20, 2016)