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    The Hottie and the Nottie

    Reviewed by
    adamwatchesmovies@

    "The Hottie and the Nottie" isn't as abysmal as it first seems, though that doesn't means it's actually any good. I think it should be noted that my expectations were low, like center of the Earth low, so it was not as painful as I thought it was going to be, hence my half a star rating. Most of the actors are fine and do the best they can with the material that they're given. Paris Hilton is in another category though. She’s terrible.

    The best way I can describe the premise is “dumb”. Nate Cooper (Joel David Moore) has been in love with Cristabel Abbott (Hilton) since he was a kid and it’s destroyed any potential future relationships. He finds her years later but unfortunately they can’t date because Cristabel’s ugly best friend, June (Christine Lakin, in an embarrassing role as “The Nottie”) is perpetually single. For Nate to get the girl of his dreams, he’ll have to find someone for June.

    Let’s just get Paris Hilton out of the way. In some ways she’s the worst part of the film, but there are so many misfires here that it’s hard to tell. Hilton’s performance is very low-key. She has absolutely no charisma with any of her co-stars and most of the shots are meant to highlight her looks rather than her talent. It's very hard to see what the men in this movie see in her because she really doesn't convey the "girl of my dreams" idea well at all. I liked her more in “House of Wax” where she ended up with a spear through her head.

    The main conflict of the film is that Cristabel won't go out with Nate as long as her unattractive friend Jude hasn't gotten a boyfriend. It’s cartoonish, but sure. The problem I have is that Jude is depicted as unattractive to an inhuman level. We get a lot of bad gross-out humour and predictable gags based on her appearance. The kind of stuff children would write for a quick English class assignment. Jude has bad teeth, bad hair, bad skin, dumpy-looking clothes and an infected toenail (which comes up more than once and will make you gag rather than laugh) She is placed in situations that will make you shake your head, like doing yoga, just so she can bend awkwardly and show off unattractive features. She’s going out to swim in an unflattering bathing suit and is portrayed as someone who simply doesn't take care of herself. To me it shows that Cristabel is a terrible friend, the kind of person that hangs out with an ugly chick to look better. Obviously Hilton’s character spends time doing her hair, makeup and shopping for nice clothes. She’s can’t give any advice to her BFF? With a bit of maintenance and some effort, a fair amount of the issues that make June look like a Morlock could be easily dealt with. There does appear to be an attempt to plug this plot hole, but I don’t see why Jude would turn down an offer to get an ugly mole on her face removed for free. Doctors are usually pretty compelling and come on, that could be skin cancer it’s so vile!

    You would think that the message of the film would be something like "Beauty is only skin deep and it's what inside that counts". That’s not the case. Cristabel has no personality, Jude is depicted as negative and easily irritable (until her inevitable makeover of course) and Nate is constantly lying and making up stories to impress the two women. The only character who seems to be generally nice is a doctor introduced about halfway through the film that is shown to be handsome, compassionate, rich, kind and genuinely interested in getting to know Jude but he is given a last minute change to turn him into a villain. Call it a display of garbage talent, I think it might be because the director realized that everyone in his movie was about as likeable as a piece of rib stuck between your teeth and figure that like Cristabel who makes herself look better by standing next to a double-bagger at all times, he’d make one character so ugly on the inside that everyone else would be “likeable”.

    The movie is predictable, hitting the familiar elements found in bad romantic comedies. It isn't very funny. There’s nothing here to compel couples to watch it, or even lonely people who lament the fact that they don’t have a date on Valentine’s Day. The images on display are often quite disgusting. Oh, and then there is a large chunk of “The Hottie and the Nottie” which is dedicated to Nate attempting to trick people into dating Jude. Everything from bribery to hypnotism is involved and it’ll make you want to scoop your eyes out with lemon ballers it’s so bad.

    My expectations were low, so I left the movie feeling like it’s more unbearably mediocre than genuinely awful, which actually works against the movie. The only reasons you would pick this up to watch would be to see something romantic and funny featuring Paris Hilton (and we've already established that this movie isn't romantic or funny because there is no charisma and the jokes are all very obvious) or because you would want something bad to laugh at. That’s the reason I sought this out. Unfortunately this isn't that kind of bad movie."The Hottie and the Nottie" is just another painful romantic comedy that doesn't offer anything new to the genre. Most people will turn it off 5 to 10 minutes in. (On DVD, February 22, 2013)

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    adamwatchesmovies@  14.11.2015 age: 26-35 2,866 reviews

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